Chapter 5: Don't forget how much relationships matter

I remember hearing the story of how feelings got hurt in a family I know because of was and who was not invited to a rehearsal dinner. When I heard the story, years had passed but the hurt feelings had not.  I didn't think much about the story until I was in the throes of my own child's wedding and I realized how easy it would be to really do damage to relationships if we weren't care (and maybe even if we were.)
Here's an illustration: my baby child has a whole bunch of boy cousins. We discussed how this might best work and then started at the bottom, meaning with the youngest of these handsome gents in finding meaningful roles for them to play. I came up with the idea of him lighting the candles in the candelabra at flanking the wedding party. (for that is where the candelabra were in my mind, flanking the wedding party.) I bounced the idea off my sister who talked to her littlest guy about being the candle lighter in his cousin's wedding.
He called me a day or so later and said he would be glad to, only there was no excitement or pleasure in his voice. It was kind of like "I will if you really want me to and Mom dared me to say any different."
Apparently there was lots of discussion in the family about this (or maybe it just seemed that way to me) but at some point I learned that our candle lighter had been invited on a ski vacation with his sister and her family. What that meant, is that two more handsome young gents would not be among those participating. I am pretty sure they drew straws to determine who would break this to me and the bride. They need not have,
Upon being informed, the bride said the more she thought about lighted candles, the more she liked the idea of lanterns that could burn throughout the ceremony and into the reception without needing the attention candles would.I was still smarting a little that some of our family, who has always been very close, would not be attending the wedding. We re-orged the idea of who would be ring bearer(s) and how to best plan for who might and might not be there.
There was some scuffling (the bride and me) and some shuffling (the grooms relatives, the brides, various close friends.) In the end, no one had hurt feelings, at least that I know of. The ski vacation was rescheduled without the trip deposits being were not lost. The youngest cousin didn't have to light candles but was in attendance.
Cousins stepped up and volunteered for jobs including moving chairs from the ceremony area to create the dance floor. One of them walked the mother of the bride down the aisle. Just how much everyone pitched I will save for another chapter. For now it is enough to know that they did.
And there were no long term rifts or tiffs or fractured relationships the stuff of which becomes sad stories told far into the future. At least so far as I know.